Letters from the Music Teachers and Others

Dear Mrs. Presley,
I had to discipline young Elvis in class today. He wiggles and squirms too much during the singing; he is overly concerned about fixing his hair; and he distracts the other students, particularly the girls.
Signed:
The Music Teacher

Dear Mrs. Lewis,
I regret to inform you that your son, Jerry Lee, has been removed from the piano class.  After repeated warnings, he continued to play in ways that are inappropriate for a piano and he continually puts his feet on the keys.
Signed:
The Principal

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cash,
The principal and I have decided to move John R. from music class into shop.  He does have some potential in the baritone section, but he tends to sing in a monotone style and sings out of the side of his mouth. We think he might be much better off working with his hands.
Signed:
The Music Teacher and the Principal



Dear Mr. and Mrs. Webb,
After having taught your daughter Loretta (Lynn) in music class, I have come to the conclusion that she cannot be a part of our choir.  She seems unable to enunciate her words properly.  Usually, this comes out in her inability to pronounce the "g" sound in words ending in "ing," such as loving, living, working, drinking, etc. She simply must have some speech therapy before she can return to music class.
Signed:
The Music Teacher

Dear Mr. Monroe,
Bill's vision problems are hindering his ability to read music, but the more serious concern is his voice.  We have no soprano slots open in the choir for young men. After his voice changes, we can reconsider
Signed:
The Music Teacher

Dear Mrs. Stanley,
I am sorry to inform you that Ralph is failing music.  His voice does not exactly...blend well with the choir. I think you should encourage his interest in agriculture, especially in raising pigs.  I have also notified the counselor of some of his particular comments.
Signed:
The Music Teacher

Counselor to Music Teacher:
You are exactly right. Young Mr. R. Stanley has an unhealthy and morbid view about death and graveyards. His brother, Carter, shows the same tendencies, but with an emphasis on the death of his mother.  I am concerned about where these two boys are headed.

Dear Mrs. Parton,
The multi-colored coat you made for Dolly does not fit in with our choir outfits.  Therefore, she will not be able to participate in our upcoming concert.
Signed:
The Music Teacher

Principal to Music Teacher:
Please drop Jennings and Nelson from your fifth period music class.  They have both been expelled from school.
Signed:
The Principal

Note to Principal:
If Ronnie Van Zant, Allen Collins, and Gary Rossington, dont get that hair cut off, they cant come back to my gym class. I done told them twice.
Coach Skinner